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the responsibilities of being an adult.

So, I haven’t even logged in in a few months. I actually just checked and my last post was September 25, 2013. A lot has happened since then.

It’s weird to think about all of it. I have a job now. I’m a real adult now with real responsibilities. I apply what I’ve learned in my college education to my real job, and the real world is my classroom every day. I’m responsible for making decisions that affect a business.

It’s been hard. Man, has it been hard. I feel like life happens at warped speed. I’ll be in a meeting on a Friday and they’ll ask me about something that happened that past Monday and I can’t even remember. Unless I write it down, I don’t remember because my brain is infiltrated with information, constantly.

I’ve actually been at my job for 6 months. Well, 6 months in one week to be precise. It’s been comparable to the 5 stages of grief.

I’ve experienced a roller coaster of happiness, sadness, anger, frustration. I’ve almost quit several times, for numerous reasons. Honestly, there are a lot of reasons why I should just quit and find a new job. But, the right thing to do is stay.

That’s what I meant when I said it’s been hard. There’s this weird part about growing up where you’re the one who has to make decisions. There are consequences to every action and risks to be taken. There are mistakes to be made and rewards to be had.

But if there’s one thing that everyone mustn’t forget to do, it’s to remember that you’re human. Remember that everyone makes mistakes… and never compare your mistakes to other people’s, by the way. Remember that we’re all on this earth for a brief period of time, so don’t lose sight of the things that really matter the most. And remember to trust your gut. Never compromise that voice inside your heart for anything, ever.

Last week, I was so pumped to graduate - I was ready. But now, I’m unsure and scared and I almost dread the future because I don’t know what’s in it. And the worst part is that this is natural. So, I made a playlist for what’s inside my head. Cheers to my fellow grads who feel it, too.

(Source: Spotify)

In what reality do humans truly have this much to balance? Coordinating up to 5 group projects and studying for finals. What job requires you to complete multiple projects simultaneously? I’m officially stressed out. It’s overwhelming. I want to cry because I don’t know what else to do. The goal is so attainable, but when I look at it on the short-term it freaks me out. It’s scary to know exactly what I have left to do until I graduate and it’s a lot. Sometimesgroupprojects don’t feel as such.

I’m easily agitated now. I’m irritated when my girlfriend tells me how free her weeks are now that she’s 99% finished with her year and that just gets on my nerves now. I’m frustrated with my relationship with one of my friends who has seemingly kicked me to the curb since her infatuation with a girl… I’m so tired of putting in all the effort and hitting a wall every single time. Like I’m not good enough to talk to anymore. We’d only talk during that brief period of time when she wanted to fuck me. Fuck no, and fuck you.

I’m just stressed about everything. I just want it to be done without me having to do it. I just want to graduate. I’m so done.

I just needed to get this out. This isn’t meant for anyone to read, but I don’t care if they do. I just needed an outlet.

Ah fuck.

So I’m sitting here trying to work on group projects, but I just have this mental block, and it frustrates me. I realize it’s because I want to just graduate and not have to deal with this. We have less than a month left, seniors. If you want to be done, check out this playlist that I made to hopefully give you that final push of motivation that you need.

(Source: Spotify)

brianfulda:

This is Kenneth. 
He approached me last week in a busy parking lot as I was getting into my car. He was holding a brand new box for a T-mobile phone and a couple of credit cards.
Within seconds of meeting him he began to tell me his misfortune of running out of gas. Of course, I was skeptical from the get go, since he was holding items of value in his hands. But as I listened to his story, my heart began to lighten up. There was something genuine about this man. He just wanted a few bucks to get back to his house. After listening to his story, I opened my wallet and handed him the last six dollars cash I had. I wished him luck and expected him to leave, but to my surprise, he stuck around. 

He then leaned on my car door like a friend would, still talking to me about his difficulties lately. Before I knew it, this larger, elderly gentleman was in tears, explaining how hard of a time he’s been having. His mother and his son died in a car accident four months ago. He said to me with glistening eyes, “you just never expect for your own children to go before you, you know?” I swallowed and felt a weight in my throat. I later found out he was involved in the accident as well. At this point, I knew he wasn’t trying to milk any cash out of me since he had seen me pull the last money out of my wallet for him.

I asked him if I could take his picture and he agreed. While I photographed him, he told me he doesn’t practice religion but he does believe in God. “It’s so hard for me to believe in a higher being right now. If there is a God, why does he torture me like this? Sometimes I hate to say it, but I just don’t really feel like living anymore.” This shot was his facial expression just after he finished that sentence.

A long pause between us occurred. I had to remind him that life is an ongoing test, and that he’d made it through all of the hardships before. This is just the hardest one yet. Everything we go through is an experience to help us make it through the next chapter. He put his arm around my shoulder and told me I’m a good man. And just like that, off he went.

Now, a week later, I am going through some hardships of my own. As I sat in bed last night, I stumbled across this photograph on my camera and remembered Kenneth’s story. It’s easy to pity yourself in your own misfortune, but it’s also even easier to forget how little your own life hurdles matter in the grand scheme of things. Today, I’m grateful for Kenneth coming into my life, even if only for a few minutes.
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Canon EOS REBEL T4i
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Aperture
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brianfulda:

This is Kenneth.

He approached me last week in a busy parking lot as I was getting into my car. He was holding a brand new box for a T-mobile phone and a couple of credit cards.

Within seconds of meeting him he began to tell me his misfortune of running out of gas. Of course, I was skeptical from the get go, since he was holding items of value in his hands. But as I listened to his story, my heart began to lighten up. There was something genuine about this man. He just wanted a few bucks to get back to his house. After listening to his story, I opened my wallet and handed him the last six dollars cash I had. I wished him luck and expected him to leave, but to my surprise, he stuck around. 
He then leaned on my car door like a friend would, still talking to me about his difficulties lately. Before I knew it, this larger, elderly gentleman was in tears, explaining how hard of a time he’s been having. His mother and his son died in a car accident four months ago. He said to me with glistening eyes, “you just never expect for your own children to go before you, you know?” I swallowed and felt a weight in my throat. I later found out he was involved in the accident as well. At this point, I knew he wasn’t trying to milk any cash out of me since he had seen me pull the last money out of my wallet for him.
I asked him if I could take his picture and he agreed. While I photographed him, he told me he doesn’t practice religion but he does believe in God. “It’s so hard for me to believe in a higher being right now. If there is a God, why does he torture me like this? Sometimes I hate to say it, but I just don’t really feel like living anymore.” This shot was his facial expression just after he finished that sentence.
A long pause between us occurred. I had to remind him that life is an ongoing test, and that he’d made it through all of the hardships before. This is just the hardest one yet. Everything we go through is an experience to help us make it through the next chapter. He put his arm around my shoulder and told me I’m a good man. And just like that, off he went.
Now, a week later, I am going through some hardships of my own. As I sat in bed last night, I stumbled across this photograph on my camera and remembered Kenneth’s story. It’s easy to pity yourself in your own misfortune, but it’s also even easier to forget how little your own life hurdles matter in the grand scheme of things. Today, I’m grateful for Kenneth coming into my life, even if only for a few minutes.

I Love Her

This is rather personal, but it really illustrates how I use music. So I make mix CDs often, for a lot of people, for a variety of reasons. Music is just how I say whatever I need to say. So I just made like the millionth CD for my girlfriend. What mix CDs, to me, are supposed to do is to say what you can’t say. It should flow and tell a story. To put that to the test, you should be able to take a section of that song and insert it into the story. Now, I never share playlists with anyone other than the person who it is intended for, but hey, only a handful of people are gonna see this and whatever. So this is the playlist that I made her, in paragraph form.

Can’t count the years on one hand that we’ve been together; I need the other one to hold you, make you feel better. It’s not a walk in the park to love each other, but when our fingers interlock, can’t deny you’re worth it. Cuz after all this time, I’m still into you. I’m in love with a girl who knows me better. Fell for the woman just when I met her. Took my sweet time when I was bitter, someone understands. If I lose myself tonight, it’ll be by your side. If I lose myself tonight, it’ll be you and I. I need your love, I need your time. When everything’s wrong, you make it right. I feel so high, I come alive, I need to be free with you tonight. Hey you, come over and let me embrace you. I know that I’m causing you pain, too, but remember if you need to cry, I’m here to wipe your eyes. Just put your hand on my heart, and I don’t have to say it and I don’t have to fake it. Just put your hand on my heart; you know. You took the time to memorize me: my fears, my hopes, and dreams. I just like hangin’ out with you all the time. All those times that you didn’t leave, it’s been occurring to me I’d like to hang out with you for my whole life. We are wild, we are like young volcanoes. We are wild, Americana, exotica. Do you wanna feel a little beautiful, baby? Cuz I’m in love with that girl, so don’t be mad at me. So what if I’m from the other side of the tracks, so what if the world don’t think we match? I’ll put it down like my love’s on wax. Guess what? I’m in love with that girl, and she told me she’s in love with me. If I could take away the pain and put a smile on your face, baby, I would. If I could make a better way so you could see a better day, baby, I would.

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